I’ve lived 31.458 gorgeous años on this planet. That makes me a qualified life-liver—and therefore, I make the rules.
These are my 31 rules. May they save you from yourself, and more importantly, from annoying me.

1. Tailor your clothes. Even sweatpants. Especially the sweatpants.

2. Don’t get a visible tattoo unless you’re extroverted and/or actually want to discuss the meaning behind it (or lack thereof).

3. Don’t tell someone something negative another person said about them. And if you have to say “no offense” before you speak—don’t.

4. Have your wedding filmed like a reality show. One cinematic highlight reel, one chaotic docu-style cut with little conversations, glances, reactions, and confessionals. You’ll want both.

5. Use a tongue scraper.

6. Put AirTags in your luggage.

7. Don’t bring up something someone did or said online in real life. We’re all living double lives and we reserve the right to do so in peace. Same goes for blackout behavior: if they don’t remember, it’s none of their business.

8. Have a BM (bad mood) depression/anxiety folder on your computer or phone: happy pics, serotonin TikToks, that breathing video you never want to search for mid-panic, the song that regulates your nervous system. Emotional CPR, ready to go.

9. Buy it nice or buy it twice.

10. Don’t put it down—put it away.

11. Low-maintenance is cute until it becomes self-abandonment. Ask for the lemon wedge, just don’t throw it. Don’t be a brat, but do speak up, own your quirks, laugh at your stupid preferences and take up space—without making it anyone else’s problem.

12. Don’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry, and don’t go shopping for clothes when you’re having a great hair day.

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The seasons are seasoning, and spring has unleashed its pollen-fueled fury on my respiratory system. I am — and always have been — an allergy kid. A certified legend in the histamine community. I’ve got air purifiers (AirDoctor, my ride-or-die) blasting like jet engines, so my apartment now sounds like a regional airport. Tissue boxes decorate every surface, and there’s always a balled-up Puffs Plus Lotion in my clenched fist like a 90-year-old woman — one of the many things I have in common with the elderly. (I also always have candy in my purse.) I’m out here fighting for my life with a chapped nose, a post-nasal drip, and a dream.

In a valiant attempt to escape the pollen, I went to one of my best friend’s bachelorette parties — in Miami, where I went to college — with some of my favorite college friends. And I’ve gotta say… we held our own. Was I the last one out? Far from it. But I didn’t wear white, I played nicely with others, I talked to strangers, and I stayed (mostly) vertical. Mama’s proud.

I also accidentally discovered that Sudafed is basically government-issued meth. If taken too late in the day, it doesn’t just keep you up — it turns you into a motivational speaker/zumba instructor hybrid at 3AM. I was lying in bed wide-eyed and vibrating. I fear I may never return to baseline.

But nostalgia hit me like a freight train. Being back in the city where I met Dylan, surrounded by the friends I fell in love with at 19, cracked me open in the best and worst way. I spent the flight home (when I should’ve been working) listening to “Twilight Zone” by Ariana Grande and scrolling through old photos from 2012–2016 — back when we were all on the same page, had the same job (go to class), the same friends, and the same group chat with a constant stream of 29 unread messages. Back when every text to a hookup was a group project, and every errand — from grabbing Plan B to getting a McDonalds Diet Coke — was a team sport.

You’d think that after almost a decade of being a grown-up, the ache of not living in the same city as all your best friends would fade. But it doesn’t. I do live in the same city as many of my friends now, and even then, we have to schedule dinners three weeks in advance (that we’ll probably cancel), coordinate around bedtime routines for ourselves (not kids), or reschedule because we’re spiraling over a hard conversation at work.

It’s just different now. Still good — in some ways, even better. But still... different.

now for a littleeeee…Learned <3 Fourned <3 Burned !!!!

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Actress Eiza González is in bed with us this week to take us behind the scenes of her life and to set the record straight on some common misconceptions about her. She opens up about the one interview topic she dreads, what the media gets totally wrong about her dating life, and the personal battles she’s faced—including running from trauma, navigating identity crises, and the struggle to say no.

See Eiza's new movie Ash in theaters now!!

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Actress Eiza González is in bed with us this week to take us behind the scenes of her life and to set the record straight on some common misconceptions about her. She opens up about the one interview topic she dreads, what the media gets totally wrong about her dating life, and the personal battles she’s faced—including running from trauma, navigating identity crises, and the struggle to say no.

See Eiza's new movie Ash in theaters now!!

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Listen to the most recent episode:

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This week, we're slipping between the sheets for a joint sex therapy session! Sex therapist Vanessa Marin is here to answer all the questions we’re too afraid to Google or even ask the group chat.

✨ Who lies to their friends more about sex: men or women? 🔥 How often are couples really having sex in long-term relationships? 🤯 The three tips that will change your next oral experience. 💝 How do you keep sex fun when you're struggling to conceive? 🐶 Wait… can you have sex with your dog in the room? 💡 The biggest mistakes you're making when initiating sex. 🎁 How to introduce toys into the bedroom (without the awkwardness).

This steamy, brutally honest hour has everything you wanted to know and so much more.

All of Vanessa's Online Courses and Guides HERE.

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

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I’d like to let you all know that I have a cold. Yes, God does, in fact, give his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. But in all sincerity, this illness has been especially brutal because I, the youngest child of four, married another youngest child of three.

Now, being the babies of the family has its perks: we’re easygoing, oozing charisma, and the undisputed favorites of our respective families. But when sickness strikes? It’s a disaster. We both expect to be babied, and neither of us is willing to step up as the adult. Usually, I win this battle through sheer dramatics, but still—it’s an uphill fight.

I have officially rewatched every season of Shark Tank and Desperate Housewives (a perfect double feature, if you ask me), so now I turn to you, my loyal friends, to dump my thoughts while I waste away in bed.

Oh, and did I mention I’m also coming to you LIVE from the luteal phase? So yeah, things are going great.

Now, onto something new I’m trying: Learned, Fou(r)ned, Burned — a little section where I share what I’ve learned, what I’ve found (read: bought), and what I’ve metaphorically (or literally) burned to the ground. Will I do this once and immediately move on? Maybe. But let’s pretend otherwise.

So let’s start with things I’ve learned. I thought we’d start out with some things I’ve googled recently:

Is your neck part of your face or part of your body? (if you’ve never googled this you’ve clearly never taken an edible before getting in the shower) 

Does my dog know I’m sick? (looking for more beings to feel sorry for me at this trying time)

How do you measure a room? (don’t ask)

What is cashmere made of? (do yourself a favor and don’t Google this one)

Additionally…I’ve learned:

How to use my G7X: after two years of owning this gorgeous camera, I finally know how to use it thanks to a guide someone made on TikTok. DM me if you want it. It's very helpful. Now of course I'm being told I need this camera instead for even more “effortless” looking (shitty?) pictures…help I hate it here. 

Never trust how you feel about your life after 10 pm. Period. 

Helped, Heard, or Hugged: When someone trauma dumps on you, and you’re too struck to speak, it may be helpful to ask if they want to be “helped, heard, or hugged” and just pray it’s not “helped.”

Women reach full emotional maturity at 32 men at 43 …That’s not even a joke; that’s just science being deeply unfair.

When you meet someone new—and you already know who they are—do not (!!) I repeat, do not say, “Oh, I know so-and-so!” (insert mutual acquaintance you both barely know) or anything that hints at prior research.

Why? Because it instantly shifts the power dynamic. Now they’re the main character, and you’re just some eager fan who did homework on them. It’s physics. It’s psychology. It’s social survival.

If this concept is confusing, please see me during office hours.

Things I’ve Fourrrned (...found but I had to add an ‘r’ to make it go with ‘learned and burned’ okay?) 

This Toaster: BLESSSSSS. 

Loafers: Ok, so I’ve been looking for an incredible, life-changing, soul-improving pair of loafers that will solve all my problems. But turns out that took much longer than I anticipated. It’d be easy to assume that all loafers are made equal–but they are not. Anyway, I bought these, these, and these. I pray now I’ve scratched the itch and can move on with my life. 

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Denise Richards and her daughters, Sami and Lola Sheen, are in bed with us—turning up the volume to eleven and pulling back the covers like never before. With Denise and Sami on OnlyFans and Lola embracing her faith as a born-again Christian, their family dynamic is just...perfect. They opened up about their unconventional upbringing, their relationship with Charlie Sheen, and the secrets, clashes, and “rock-bottom” moments that tested their bond.

And yes, I begged Denise to spill the brutal truth about her most dramatic Real Housewives of Beverly Hills moments. She didn’t hold back on the highs and lows of parenting, and even swapped dating advice with her daughters (which was as entertaining as it sounds). Now, with their new show, Denise Richards & Her Wild Things, they’re letting the world in on their beautifully chaotic, completely unpredictable family life. And if there’s one thing I know after spending an hour with this trio…you’re going to love it.

Watch Denise Richards & Her Wild Things Tuesdays on Bravo <3

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

Denise Richards and her daughters, Sami and Lola Sheen, are in bed with us—turning up the volume to eleven and pulling back the covers like never before. With Denise and Sami on OnlyFans and Lola embracing her faith as a born-again Christian, their family dynamic is just...perfect. They opened up about their unconventional upbringing, their relationship with Charlie Sheen, and the secrets, clashes, and “rock-bottom” moments that tested their bond.

And yes, I begged Denise to spill the brutal truth about her most dramatic Real Housewives of Beverly Hills moments. She didn’t hold back on the highs and lows of parenting, and even swapped dating advice with her daughters (which was as entertaining as it sounds). Now, with their new show, Denise Richards & Her Wild Things, they’re letting the world in on their beautifully chaotic, completely unpredictable family life. And if there’s one thing I know after spending an hour with this trio…you’re going to love it.

Watch Denise Richards & Her Wild Things Tuesdays on Bravo <3

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

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TikTok’s sweatpant sensations, Brooke and Jess, joined us for bedtime this week. They share what’s really behind their viral moments, their friendship, and the persona behind their signature sunglasses. From their rapid rise to internet fame to navigating criticism, they open up about the highs, the struggles, and what they’ve learned along the way.

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Listen to the most recent episode:

TikTok’s sweatpant sensations, Brooke and Jess, joined us for bedtime this week. They share what’s really behind their viral moments, their friendship, and the persona behind their signature sunglasses. From their rapid rise to internet fame to navigating criticism, they open up about the highs, the struggles, and what they’ve learned along the way.

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Listen to the most recent episode:

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It’s just you and me in bed this week (!!), which means things are about to get deep and chaotic. I confess my deepest, darkest thoughts, most recent humiliating moment, three of my current obsessions (including the bedding that changed my life), and my unhinged stance on baby-making. Plus, we’re diving into my #1 pet peeve of the moment, how easy it is to be a bad friend, the question that absolutely terrifies me, and a grab bag of other random musings. Get cozy, because this one is a ride.

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**Trigger Warning: Weight Loss and Disordered Eating

Whether you love them or hate them, weight loss drugs (GLP-1s) like Ozempic, Mounjaro, and Wegovy are everywhere. Maybe your friend is using one, or that influencer you follow, or maybe you’re considering whether these meds might be right for you. Whatever sparked your curiosity, you're in the right place! This week, leading obesity medicine specialist Dr. Alexandra Sowa joins us in bed to answer all our burning questions.

I’m not on these medications, nor do I plan to be, but still, I had SO many questions! Like:

• Who actually qualifies for these medications, and what does insurance cover?

• How much do these meds really cost?

• Are GLP-1s a "life sentence"? What happens if you stop?

• Can these meds increase fertility?

• Are they being overprescribed?

• Can you overdose on GLP-1s?

• What are the long-term risks?

• Ozempic & the social rules: Secrecy vs. privacy

• Best practices: What’s the best day to inject?

• GLP-1s & addiction: Is there a link?

• Managing side effects & the 5-12 month plateau

• Emotional stumbling blocks: Why “skinny” isn’t always motivating

• GLP-1s vs. body positivity: Was it all a lie?

• What age is too young to start these medications?

With such a hotly debated topic, it’s important to note that this episode isn’t about taking a pro or anti GLP-1 stance. It's purely informational, so you can make up your own mind or bring your questions to your doctor.

Dr. Sowa's book "The Ozempic Revolution: A Doctor's Proven Plan for Success to Help You Reverse Obesity, End Yo-Yo Dieting, and Protect Yourself from Disease" is available now!

FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT use code XOLIVEFROMBED

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Listen to Sabrina's audiobook That Friend !!!

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This week, the effervescent and hilarious Sabrina Brier cozied up with us and flew the flag high for Comfy Girls™️ everywhere !! We got deep about the highs and lows of friendships and sisterhood, laid down the law on nickname etiquette, and decoded some problematic Taylor Swift lyrics. Things took a competitive turn as we sized up our lifestyles, pitched our dream Friday nights, and submitted ourselves to a humblingly revealing round of Yuck vs. Yum. Honestly, I didn’t want this episode to end—and I have a feeling you won’t either.

Listen to Sabrina's audiobook That Friend !!!

FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT use code XOLIVEFROMBED

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This week, comedian, writer, and actress Fortune Feimster joins us under the covers to dish on the pain of holding out for your big break—and to try (against all odds) to convince me that manifestation actually works. Fortune shares her coming out journey, the behind-the-scenes of her marriage, the struggle to make friends in LA, her never-ending quest for balance, the absolute worst thing you can ask a comedian, her unforgettable "I made it" moment, and all the patience, wrong turns, and rejections that got her here.

Watch Fortune's Netflix special 'Crushing It'

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Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

This week, comedian, writer, and actress Fortune Feimster joins us under the covers to dish on the pain of holding out for your big break—and to try (against all odds) to convince me that manifestation actually works. Fortune shares her coming out journey, the behind-the-scenes of her marriage, the struggle to make friends in LA, her never-ending quest for balance, the absolute worst thing you can ask a comedian, her unforgettable "I made it" moment, and all the patience, wrong turns, and rejections that got her here.

Watch Fortune's Netflix special 'Crushing It'

FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT use code XOLIVEFROMBED

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

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This week, fellow bed enthusiast, Bravo aficionado, actress, and podcast host Casey Wilson makes her triumphant return for her second appearance on the show! We dive into it all—our eerily similar brain chemistry, the meds keeping us functional, ADHD masquerading as depression, navigating our mother-daughter dynamics, parenting from bed, "Present Chasers," and—best of all—Casey shares real-life tips to help us all master the art of dreaded small talk.

The Great American Baking Show and The Great American Baking Show: Celebrity Holiday Special is now streaming on The Roku Channel. Check out The Great American Baking Show: Big Game Special on February 3rd!

LA Fire: Volunteer Opportunities

Donate to Families Displaced by the LA Fires

Donate to Animals Displaced by the LA Fires

FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT, use code XOLIVEFROMBED

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

This week, fellow bed enthusiast, Bravo aficionado, actress, and podcast host Casey Wilson makes her triumphant return for her second appearance on the show! We dive into it all—our eerily similar brain chemistry, the meds keeping us functional, ADHD masquerading as depression, navigating our mother-daughter dynamics, parenting from bed, "Present Chasers," and—best of all—Casey shares real-life tips to help us all master the art of dreaded small talk.

The Great American Baking Show and The Great American Baking Show: Celebrity Holiday Special is now streaming on The Roku Channel. Check out The Great American Baking Show: Big Game Special on February 3rd!

LA Fire: Volunteer Opportunities

Donate to Families Displaced by the LA Fires

Donate to Animals Displaced by the LA Fires

FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT, use code XOLIVEFROMBED

Don’t want to get out of bed just yet? Watch the most recent episode:

We made it. This is officially the last LFB episode of 2024!! This week, singer, model, and actress Charlotte Lawrence climbed under the covers with us! We pillow-talked about everything—from apologizing for nepotism and surviving holiday family wars to breaking hearts (and having ours broken) and the tough years we’d love to forget. And yes, she shared when her highly anticipated new album will be dropping.

LFB will be back in January! See you on the other side, my precious ones.

Listen to Charlotte's song Collateral!!

Need a last-minute holiday gift? FOR 20% OFF BLEUSALT use code XOLIVEFROMBED.

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I've hoped, prayed and wished for the chance to hang out with Abbey and Christine Romeo for the past two years and I can finally say IT HAPPENED. This conversation is everything: it’ll teach you, make you laugh out loud, and leave you seeing the world in a whole new way. Real ones already know—this was my Super Bowl, and I never wanted it to end.

Listen to Abbey's music HERE

Buy a hat or scarf made by Abbey HERE!

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